The Anxiety of the Wait

          Not knowing is so hard.  The new Haitian adoption laws were supposed to go into effect on October 31^st.  We haven’t heard anything, not a word.  I expected to hear something several days ago, one way or another.  We don’t know if Haiti is accepting new dossiers again or if everything is still on hold.  All we know for sure is that our dossier still hasn’t been submitted.  

          The anticipation and anxiety caused by no information is unreal.  The only thing I can compare it to is that split second when you take your eyes off your kids, and then you can’t find them for a moment.  It’s not quite panic yet, because you know they couldn’t have gone far, but you just need to lay your eyes on them.  Or, it’s like when you’re waiting to find out those test results.  Good or bad, you just need to know so you can deal with it.  Or, when you’re trying to get pregnant, but it’s too early to take the test.  The days can’t go by fast enough.  You just want to know so you can deal with it, good or bad.  Well, the anxiety has been killing me lately, but once again, God has stepped up and taken over in His perfect timing.  God has promised me that there is NOTHING that He and I can’t handle together, and I trust those words more now than ever before. 

          It’s Adoption Awareness Month.  I thought we had dodged a bullet at church when it wasn’t mentioned last Sunday.  Selfishly, I prayed that we would not have to endure any of those heart wrenching videos with picture after picture of dirty, hungry orphans waiting to be adopted.  I envisioned myself becoming emotional, like usual, but this time the entire church would be looking at me because they know that we are in the process.  I’m on edge anyway, and something like that could easily push me over.   I felt safe once again this morning when we began to recognize our veterans.  I figured we probably wouldn’t take the time to honor veterans and show an orphan video.  Then it happened.  I heard the words, “Adoption Awareness Month”, and my heart sank.  I thought, “I can’t watch this video.  How am I going to get out of here?”  Bro. Mark started talking about adoption and his family, and he recognized all the families in our church that have been touched by adoption.  Then, he reminded us that we have all been adopted into God’s family.  By this time, I was flooded with emotion as I waited for that video.  Then, Bro. Mark asked us to come down front.  Seriously, my only thought was, that’s better than a video.  I cannot express in words what it felt like to have Godly people lay their hands on us and pray at the altar specifically for our family.  I felt God’s presence in a way that I never thought possible.  The moment the prayer ended, and we stood up, it felt like ten thousand pounds were lifted off of my chest. All of the anxiety and anticipation vanished, and the relief was unexplainable.  I’m even ready for that video now.  Amazing.

          Even in the wait, when everything else is still, God continues to reveal Himself in His perfect timing.  God never said it would be easy, He just said it would be worth it.  Thank you my Lord for allowing me the opportunity to see your purpose so clearly.  Had I not been so overwhelmed, I could not have experienced your power to make things so clear and perfect again.  How awesome is HE!

TIME

          Time, one of the few things we can’t control. I just finished reading, The Time Keeper, by Mitch Albom.  The author presents a fictional story about the life of Father Time, and it’s a remarkable display of how our lives are controlled by the clock.  Time is so precious, and it moves at its own pace.  Since reading the book, I have noticed how preoccupied and unsatisfied I am with the pace of time.  Hurry up, slow down, get here quick, take your time, hustle.  If Father tTime was real and trying to answer each of my requests, then he would need medication.    

                I was thinking about how fast the school year is going, and I am so conflicted.  I can’t wait for the next break, especially summer break .  All you teachers out there know what I mean.  I love my job, but I love my breaks too!  I want the year to hurry up and be over.  Then, I think about my baby girl, and I want time to stop in its tracks.  I don’t want to wish her time away.  She is in the third grade.  Where has the time gone?  For every reason to want time to speed up, there is a reason to want time to slow down.  Elijah is four years old, and I asked him to stay little tonight.  I want my time with my kids to creep, but it just keeps passing faster and faster.  Why do we worry so much about something that we have no control over?

                We never seem to have enough time, unless we’re in the middle of something unpleasant.  Today at Kynady’s football game, I caught myself watching the clock.  I even said out loud once, “come on clock, keep running”.  To my defense, it was freezing cold and Elijah was whining and crying.  Then, I remembered that this was her last game of the season.  Some of you may not believe this, but I am so happy that Kynady has found something that she can be passionate about, even if it’s cheerleading.  I just want her to be active and involved.  Cheerleading may or may not be her thing.  It’s still too early to tell. But if she’s going to be a cheerleader, then I want her to be the best cheerleader that she can possibly be.  That’s what it's all about.  I never thought I would ever say that, just so you know.

                When it comes to our adoption, the time is creeping.  It just can’t happen fast enough.  I want my baby here yesterday! Everyone wants to know “when”.  I want to know when.  All I can say is that it’s going to be a while.  I just want to get my child out of there.  Another hurricane!  UGH!  It is taking so long for things to progress that it doesn’t seem like the time will ever come.  But I know it will because my God is in control.  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”.  There will be a time to rejoice, but right now is our time to wait. 

Preparing our Fields for Rain

           October 31^st is the big day.  Halloween.  That’s  the day the new Haitian adoption laws will go into effect.  Ultimately, the new laws will make things better for children and families in Haiti, but we were really hoping to get our paperwork submitted so we wouldn’t have to deal with the mess.  We thought we were going to make it, but that just didn’t happen.    Even though our dossier has been in Haiti for several weeks, it will not be submitted before the new laws take effect.  The major issue surrounding the new law is that IBESR will be selecting 3 agencies, and only 3 agencies to process adoptions in Haiti.  If our agency is not selected, then we will have to be transferred to another agency in order to complete our adoption.  That’s not a big deal other than it could hold us up a bit. 

          Basketball started for real this week.  I don’t really know what “for real” means since we never really stop, but we’re in full swing.  I am constantly thinking about ways to motivate and encourage the girls.  Basketball is the hardest sport to play.  It’s one of the most physically and emotionally demanding sports because of its pace, and the season is very long.  On a small scale, it can be compared to this adoption.  One of the quotes I have been using lately comes from the movie, Facing the Giants.  I bet I have said, “I want your best”, over a hundred times throughout conditioning and the first two days of practice.  So many people are satisfied with being in the middle of the pack, on the basketball team and in life.  God wants our best.  He wants my best in everything I do, whether it be yard darts or homework or mowing the yard.  He doesn’t want our best compared to everyone else.  He wants our best compared to what WE are capable of doing.  That’s part of the speech I gave my girls at the end of practice.  I was reflecting on what I said to the girls this evening, which led me to think about another huge theme in that movie, FAITH.  If you’ll remember, the couple in that movie wanted a baby so bad.  One thing that has stuck with me from that is when he talks about “preparing your fields for rain”, which comes from the Bible.  If you’re going to ask for rain, then have enough faith to prepare your fields.  I pray that I can have that kind of faith.   God will come through for us, even though we don’t understand the timing of it all.  I know that every time there is a delay, God is protecting us or our child from something, and I thank Him for that.  Everyone wants to know how much longer and I do to.  We have to have faith that God is at work and this will happen exactly when it’s supposed to happen.  It seems so far away, but all we can do is prepare our fields for rain.   

Racism is UGLY!

          I knew it was coming.  I just thought I was prepared.  I have researched transracial adoptions. I’ve read every book, study, magazine article, blog, and the list goes on.  I know we live in a racist world, and I have witnessed racism in all kinds of ways.  I really didn’t want to include this in my blog, but I can’t shake it, and maybe writing this will help me let go of it.  It’s real, that’s for sure.  Well, I lost my cool.  I know that’s not so hard for some of you to believe, but I can get in psycho mode rather quickly when I feel like my kids need to be protected.  It’s a passion or adrenaline rush that’s unexplainable.  Some of you mothers know what I’m talking about.  I can’t rid myself of the anger and the burn coming from the pit of my soul.  For someone to suggest that an innocent child is less of a human being because he/she is black makes me want to SCREAM.  For those of you who think racism doesn’t exist, you are living in a hole.  Racism is real, and it’s ugly.

          This blog has been such a positive experience for me that I really didn’t want to even mention this little blurb of negativity.  All that I will say is that some people can’t understand why we would want to adopt a “black” child.  I won’t get into the details because they really don’t matter.  The bottom line is that many people think they are entitled or better than others or privileged because of the color of their skin.  God led us to Haiti because that country is the poorest country in the world, and it just so happens that the people there are black.  There are thousands of children in Haiti sitting in orphanages, starving, and dying of diseases.  Are you telling me that a human being doesn’t deserve a better opportunity to survive just because he has dark skin?  Ignorance and lack of education are the only excuses I can think of that would make anyone think they are better than anyone else because of their race.  My son/daughter will be black, and he/she is MINE!  I will fight for my child, and I will protect him/her at all costs.  I understand that we will have to deal with racism from now until the end of time.  Bring it on!  It won't be easy, but I will do everything I can to teach my son/daughter to be proud and to be confident.  I want all my kids to know that we're in this together, no mattter what.

          We actually have some very encouraging news.  Our I600A (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) has been approved.  That’s the form that pre-approves us to bring our son/daughter back into the United States.  The approval letter is called the I-171H letter.  Those forms are very important because adoptions in Haiti are very shaky at the moment.  Haiti is actually trying to clean up the adoption process a bit.  They are adding some adoption laws so they can become part of the Hague Convention, which will be a good thing in the long run.  However, if the president ratifies the Hague Convention before the laws are changed, then the US could refuse to allow its citizens to adopt from there.  My guess is that they do that to pressure the countries to get their laws passed quickly.  In the past, the US has allowed adoption to continue as long as the I600a has been approved.  So, we hope that even if the adoptions are stopped on the US end, we will be allowed to continue.    I know it’s confusing.  I don’t really understand all the ins and outs either.  The arrival of our dossier in Haiti is also a big deal.  We really need to get that submitted by Oct. 31^st because that’s when we think the new adoption laws could go into effect.   The new laws will limit the number of agencies/organizations allowed to work in Haiti, and we don’t know for sure if our agency will even be allowed to process adoptions.  Of course, they think they will be chosen, but no one knows for sure.  Adoption in Haiti is unpredictable, but we knew that from the start. We just have to know that God has this under control and He is working for us at this very moment.  God is good!  Keep the prayers coming!  The next step will be our referral.  Exciting!

This is so much bigger than the Thomas family.

          I was so encouraged at Church last week.  Just when I began to feel sorry for myself, because I have not heard a word from our agency regarding our paperwork, something really cool happened.  A family from our church brought their baby girl home from China.  How encouraging.  I can’t even explain in words how much seeing that little girl with her forever family encouraged me.  They have been waiting for years.  How dare I feel sorry for myself after the wait they’ve had.  On top of that, a great friend’s sister brought her two domestically adopted twin boys to church. God is good! 

          Sunday school was interesting as well.  The discussion was about how so many people do things that should be for God’s glory, but many do those things for show or for their own recognition.  Of course, my mind went straight to this blog.  I don’t want this blog to be about me.  I have been a bit surprised by the response to this thing.   I really didn’t think anyone would read it.  Seriously.  At first, I really felt uncomfortable when people would say things like “I think it’s great what you are doing.”   The reason I couldn’t understand is because we are getting so much more out of this adoption than we could possibly give. I really don’t feel like a hero.  We are truly blessed to get to add another Thomas to this world.  I thank God every single day for our child in Haiti.  Just like I longed to hold Kynady and Elijah in my arms way before they were even born, I feel the same way about our third child.   Just like I couldn’t wait to find out pink or blue, I can’t wait to find out if our new baby will be a boy or a girl. I can’t wait to see what he/she looks like.  I can only imagine what he’ll be when he grows up, or if she’ll be a girly girl like Kynady.  Those thoughts are what keep me from going insane with worry.   

           I really appreciate the people who have approached me to say what a blessing this blog has been to them.   I have been so encouraged!  I like to think that I am strong and tough and have it together.  You know, I’m the big, bad basketball coach; but the reality is that I need encouragement now more than ever!  I am weak.    It wasn’t until Sunday that I understood how valuable those encouraging words have been, and how thankful I am for the people willing to share.

           I am so thankful for God’s assurance daily that He is with us and will be with us every step of the way.  I have grown more in faith the last six months than in my entire life.  For that, I will be forever grateful.  I am amazed and fortunate that God can use something so amazing to teach me patience and faithfulness.   Now, I understanding that God is using this blog and our adoption in a way I never thought possible.  It never occurred to me that maybe God has more in mind.  I have heard so many times that God can take the ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary.  I want our adoption to be a blessing to others and maybe, just maybe, we can encourage others to take the same leap of faith.  As I sat in the balcony at church and looked out at all of the families that have adopted, I couldn’t help but to think that God has something major in the works for our church and our community.  I think Sunday was a glimpse of something special, and our adoption is just a sliver in the plan. Incredible.    

 

 

Caterina is NOT our adopted child from Haiti, and she isn't from Chicago either.

          This is so sweet .  My nephews are a tad confused about our exchange student from Italy, Caterina.  My sister has been trying to prepare them for our adoption, but I suppose we should have mentioned that we would also have an exchange student living with us.  They think Caterina is their new cousin.  Well, she kinda is their new cousin, but I’m afraid of what they will think when she has to go home to Italy in a few months.    And let me tell you about Elijah.  He thinks Caterina is from Chicago.   All he knows is that her plane took off from there to come here.  KIDS!  They are so funny.

          I have had a very hard time pronouncing the name, “Caterina”.  Well, I can say it the American way, but it has bothered me that I can’t pronounce it correctly. I just can’t roll the R.  Out of respect for her parents, I would really like to call her by her given name.  She likes that we call her Cate, but I was afraid that her mother would be offended.  I can imagine meeting her mother when this 10 months is over.  I don’t want her to think that her daughter has been with us for almost a year, and we don’t even know her name.  I have expressed this to Caterina and she thinks I’m crazy, so I guess I’m going to have to let it go.  It has made me think about naming our adopted child.   People ask about that all the time, and we’ve gone back and forth.  We will have the choice to keep the given name or give him/her an American name.  Out of respect for his/her birth parents, I want to keep all or part of his/her name in some way.  I guess it also depends on the age of the child, but I think it’s important that we show respect for the birth parents, and that’s one way to do it.  I think!  I’m still not sure, so I’m looking for a little guidance on that.  I’m not worried because I know that my God already knows his/her name.   

          I was a little impatient this week, so I sent an email to inquire about the progress on our dossier.  Our paperwork has been legalized, and now it is being translated into French.  The translation will be completed by September 30^th at the latest, and then it will be on its way to Haiti.  Everything has to be hand delivered in Haiti, which gives new meaning to the words, "snail mail".  Once in Haiti, the timeframe becomes even more unpredictable.  Not knowing is difficult, but it’s in God’s hands.  Pray for us!

Our Exchange Student Has Arrived

          We’re trying to diversify the neighborhood, I guess.  That’s the answer to this week’s most asked question, “Why would you want to host an exchange student?”  Honestly, I am not sure why we agreed, but I am sure glad we did.  Caterina is great!  She is adorable.  I don’t want to say too much because I want to respect her privacy, but we love her already.  She is great with the kids, and we have had a lot of fun getting to know her. Today was her first day of school, and I was nervous for her.  I remember my first day as a new student at Caldwell.  I must say she seemed much less nervous than I was after transferring there my junior year.  I had a few known enemies from sports though, so it was a bit different for me.  A few of my basketball players took care of her today, and I am so proud of them.  Watching my players do cool things like that is almost as rewarding as when my own children do something admirable.  That’s why I coach.  

          I’m not sure that taking Caterina to Wal-Mart on the first day of her arrival was a good idea, but it was very entertaining.  It made me realize how easily our adopted child could get overwhelmed when we bring him/her home.  I really think that’s part of the reason she’s with us.  Also, I have thought about how difficult it could be to communicate with our son/daughter. French is the official language in Haiti, but most people speak Creole, and I don't know much about either of those.  Caterina’s English is good, but we’ve had a few barriers.  Did you know that a "fon" pronounced "phone" is a hair dryer in Italian?  That was a fun conversation.  It’s neat how God works and puts things in all the right places.  Having Caterina with us will be a blessing, and I have a feeling we don’t even know the half of it yet. 

          The only update on the adoption is that my passport arrived in the mail.  I was looking at it today and noticed that it expires in ten years. My only thought was, “Surely, this adoption thing won’t take that long.”  Waiting.