What Pushed Us Over the Edge
     Brock and I were headed to Atlanta for UFC 145. I bought him tickets for his birthday. He was like a little kid in a candy shop all the way there, by the way. It was cute. We dropped the kiddos off at Nana and Pa's and we were off! Brock and I finally had some alone time, and we were able to discuss things that we just can't discuss in front of the kids, and adoption was one of them. A few months earlier, I had decided to drop the subject for a while. Honestly, I felt strongly that God was calling me to do this, but I didn't feel like Brock and I were on the same page. There was a pre-application with a section for him and a section for me. We had to answer a few questions about why we wanted to adopt. When I checked the form, he had copied and pasted my exact answers on every one of his questions. I was furious! I will not go into the specifics of that conversation, but I will admit that I probably overreacted. I knew at that point that I could not do this on my own. If we weren't both called, then it just wouldn't work. I questioned whether or not this was what God wanted or what I wanted. I took a break from it all and decided that I would not mention adoption again until Brock brought it up. Looking back on it, I made that into much more than it really was. Brock just liked my answers and agreed with them. That's it. Nothing more.

     Well, Brock brought it up, and we had a great discussion on the way to Atlanta. We were both very nervous about the financial aspect of adoption. Frankly, we didn't have thirty thousand dollars lying around. We talked about different ways to finance it, and we just felt uneasy. I was relieved because I knew that Brock and I were finally together on this, yet we both had a lot of anxiety about the cost. We weren't sure about the timing of it all, so we tabled it.

     We were not going to make it back for church on Sunday, which meant that we would miss a sermon by our prospective preacher. We were voting on Sunday night, so Brock suggested that we listen to a sermon Online so we could make an educated decision. All of this guy's sermons were uploaded to his church's website, which I thought was super cool. Since we hadn't had a preacher in three years, that was enough for me. I was ready to go ahead and vote “YES”. And besides, who really wants to listen to a church sermon in the car? Not me! You can't really say no to that without sounding like a jerk though, so I consented. I found the website and proceeded to read all of the subtitles so Brock could pick one. He picked, and it took several minutes to download. A good thing about the podcasts is that you can see how long each sermon lasts. I admit that I skipped over a couple because they were longer than the rest. I know, that's terrible. I only included that information because I promised to be real. There you go! Anyway, the sermon had downloaded, but for some reason the sermon that Brock had chosen was not the one that had downloaded. Of course, Brock had to say, "Why did you ask me which one if you were going to pick something else?" Well, you probably know how it all went down after that. It became an argument in which Brock insisted that we just listen to the one that downloaded, but you know I couldn't do that. I went back and downloaded the one he wanted and then complained the whole time about how long it was taking to download. The sermon was fabulous by the way, and I felt guilty about not wanting to listen to it. We made it to Atlanta and had a great time.
     UFC was very interesting. We had great seats. Brock loved it.

     On the way home from Atlanta, we decided to listen to another sermon. It was my suggestion, I promise. Jokingly, I told Brock that we should listen to the sermon that downloaded all by itself because God apparently wanted us to hear it. What happened next was something very special. It was a moment that I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

     Our prospective pastor and his wife had adopted a son from Ethiopia. This entire sermon that we were listening to was about their adoption. It was about his and his wife's decision to adopt, even though they couldn't afford it. It was about answering God's call in your life and having faith that God will see it through. Every issue/obstacle/excuse that Brock and I had come up with was addressed directly in this sermon. They had gone through some of the same things that we were facing, yet they had the faith to give it to God. God called, and they answered. What an example! Brock and I didn't even have to talk about it. We looked at each other and knew that it was time. The sermon was for us, and our decision was clear. It was very emotional for me. At first, it was excitement. I was excited because I knew that what I wanted was what God wanted. I was relieved. I felt a sense of peace because I knew we could do this, and God was going to take care of it all. Then, I felt guilty. How many months had passed? God had made it clear, but I couldn't see it. He had to hit me over the head with it. That's embarrassing. It's kinda like when the teacher has to say, "The answer is ..." Then, I was overwhelmed that God would care enough about me to give me this gift of certainty. God spoke directly to us, and I didn't feel worthy. Then, I felt guilty again for thinking that this was about me. This wasn't about me. It was God showing Himself in a mighty way. It was God picking up my slack again. God gave me a testimony, a story to tell that's so powerful, and a story that proves He has his hands on His children at all times. Thank you God!