"Yes, Lord!"

     This has been a very emotional weekend. My baby boy, Elijah, had his 4th bday party, and a tropical storm went right over the top of Haiti. It's like I was living in two worlds. We were partying in the sunshine, yet I couldn't take my mind off the fact that my other son/daughter could be in harm's way. It was a very strange feeling. Helpless… Not a comfortable place to be.  Another weird thing about this whole adoption thing is that it’s so much like a pregnancy, without the morning sickness thank God. This is the part of pregnancy where you don’t know the sex of the baby yet.  Some people know you’re pregnant, some people don’t, and some people think you could be, but they wouldn’t dare ask.  I’m even much more emotional these days.  Weird.  I was glued to the TV all weekend, and Brock didn’t seem to be too worried about what would become Hurricane Isaac.  I questioned him on that.  To him, it would be different if we had our referral and we knew for sure he/she was in harm’s way.  I understood that because pregnancy was kinda like that for Brock.  I don’t think pregnancy seemed real for him until I was as big as a house and the ultrasound pictures became more than a blob.  I remember being miserable and tired and sick, and Brock would be like, “What’s your problem?”  The bigger I grew, the more sympathetic and involved he became.   I don’t hold that against him because I know that it’s just different for him.  I’m kinda glad that I am the worrier in the family.  I wouldn’t want him or anyone else to go through this. 

     On the way to church on Sunday, I was worrying about the storm and all of the people of Haiti.  This process has made me so much more empathetic.  I was thinking about the people living in tents, and the pictures of the mudslides on the news were running through my head.  I thought, “God, this is not worth it.  I can’t do this.  I haven’t even met my son or daughter.  What’s it going to be like after we get our referral and have that picture in our thoughts?  Or, what’s it going to be like after that first trip to Haiti when we have to return home without him/her?  How is that going to work?”  I still don’t know how I am going to be able handle that. 

     I know it’s self-centered of me to think this way, but I truly believe our new pastor was sent to our church just for me.  Well, that’s probably not the case, but I do think he’s fabulous.  More importantly, I think I’m hearing God in a way that I was never before capable.  It’s an amazing feeling when it’s as if the preacher is speaking directly to you.  I’ve always been like, “Man, he’s really getting yall today”.  Brother Mark is preaching a series on Jonah, and this sermon was entitled, “The Chain Reaction of Obedience”.  Brother Mark pointed out that obedience isn’t always easy, but it brings blessings.  God gave Jonah the very difficult task of going to Ninevah to tell the people that they were about to be destroyed.  Jonah said “yes” to God, eventually, and then he was able to witness God’s mercy on the people there.  Brother Mark pointed out that God was as work in Ninevah way before Jonah showed up.  I know that God’s at work right now in Haiti, putting all the pieces together.  It’s amazing that he is allowing us to get in on it.  We’re just a small part of a larger plan.  Brother Mark also said that we’re supposed to say “Yes” to God and leave the results to Him.  We are not to worry about what happens afterwards.  Well God, here you go.  It’s a behind the back pass.  I’m passing it to you and getting out of the way.  I give it ALL to you.  Thank you my Lord.