The Anxiety of the Wait

          Not knowing is so hard.  The new Haitian adoption laws were supposed to go into effect on October 31^st.  We haven’t heard anything, not a word.  I expected to hear something several days ago, one way or another.  We don’t know if Haiti is accepting new dossiers again or if everything is still on hold.  All we know for sure is that our dossier still hasn’t been submitted.  

          The anticipation and anxiety caused by no information is unreal.  The only thing I can compare it to is that split second when you take your eyes off your kids, and then you can’t find them for a moment.  It’s not quite panic yet, because you know they couldn’t have gone far, but you just need to lay your eyes on them.  Or, it’s like when you’re waiting to find out those test results.  Good or bad, you just need to know so you can deal with it.  Or, when you’re trying to get pregnant, but it’s too early to take the test.  The days can’t go by fast enough.  You just want to know so you can deal with it, good or bad.  Well, the anxiety has been killing me lately, but once again, God has stepped up and taken over in His perfect timing.  God has promised me that there is NOTHING that He and I can’t handle together, and I trust those words more now than ever before. 

          It’s Adoption Awareness Month.  I thought we had dodged a bullet at church when it wasn’t mentioned last Sunday.  Selfishly, I prayed that we would not have to endure any of those heart wrenching videos with picture after picture of dirty, hungry orphans waiting to be adopted.  I envisioned myself becoming emotional, like usual, but this time the entire church would be looking at me because they know that we are in the process.  I’m on edge anyway, and something like that could easily push me over.   I felt safe once again this morning when we began to recognize our veterans.  I figured we probably wouldn’t take the time to honor veterans and show an orphan video.  Then it happened.  I heard the words, “Adoption Awareness Month”, and my heart sank.  I thought, “I can’t watch this video.  How am I going to get out of here?”  Bro. Mark started talking about adoption and his family, and he recognized all the families in our church that have been touched by adoption.  Then, he reminded us that we have all been adopted into God’s family.  By this time, I was flooded with emotion as I waited for that video.  Then, Bro. Mark asked us to come down front.  Seriously, my only thought was, that’s better than a video.  I cannot express in words what it felt like to have Godly people lay their hands on us and pray at the altar specifically for our family.  I felt God’s presence in a way that I never thought possible.  The moment the prayer ended, and we stood up, it felt like ten thousand pounds were lifted off of my chest. All of the anxiety and anticipation vanished, and the relief was unexplainable.  I’m even ready for that video now.  Amazing.

          Even in the wait, when everything else is still, God continues to reveal Himself in His perfect timing.  God never said it would be easy, He just said it would be worth it.  Thank you my Lord for allowing me the opportunity to see your purpose so clearly.  Had I not been so overwhelmed, I could not have experienced your power to make things so clear and perfect again.  How awesome is HE!

TIME

          Time, one of the few things we can’t control. I just finished reading, The Time Keeper, by Mitch Albom.  The author presents a fictional story about the life of Father Time, and it’s a remarkable display of how our lives are controlled by the clock.  Time is so precious, and it moves at its own pace.  Since reading the book, I have noticed how preoccupied and unsatisfied I am with the pace of time.  Hurry up, slow down, get here quick, take your time, hustle.  If Father tTime was real and trying to answer each of my requests, then he would need medication.    

                I was thinking about how fast the school year is going, and I am so conflicted.  I can’t wait for the next break, especially summer break .  All you teachers out there know what I mean.  I love my job, but I love my breaks too!  I want the year to hurry up and be over.  Then, I think about my baby girl, and I want time to stop in its tracks.  I don’t want to wish her time away.  She is in the third grade.  Where has the time gone?  For every reason to want time to speed up, there is a reason to want time to slow down.  Elijah is four years old, and I asked him to stay little tonight.  I want my time with my kids to creep, but it just keeps passing faster and faster.  Why do we worry so much about something that we have no control over?

                We never seem to have enough time, unless we’re in the middle of something unpleasant.  Today at Kynady’s football game, I caught myself watching the clock.  I even said out loud once, “come on clock, keep running”.  To my defense, it was freezing cold and Elijah was whining and crying.  Then, I remembered that this was her last game of the season.  Some of you may not believe this, but I am so happy that Kynady has found something that she can be passionate about, even if it’s cheerleading.  I just want her to be active and involved.  Cheerleading may or may not be her thing.  It’s still too early to tell. But if she’s going to be a cheerleader, then I want her to be the best cheerleader that she can possibly be.  That’s what it's all about.  I never thought I would ever say that, just so you know.

                When it comes to our adoption, the time is creeping.  It just can’t happen fast enough.  I want my baby here yesterday! Everyone wants to know “when”.  I want to know when.  All I can say is that it’s going to be a while.  I just want to get my child out of there.  Another hurricane!  UGH!  It is taking so long for things to progress that it doesn’t seem like the time will ever come.  But I know it will because my God is in control.  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”.  There will be a time to rejoice, but right now is our time to wait. 

Preparing our Fields for Rain

           October 31^st is the big day.  Halloween.  That’s  the day the new Haitian adoption laws will go into effect.  Ultimately, the new laws will make things better for children and families in Haiti, but we were really hoping to get our paperwork submitted so we wouldn’t have to deal with the mess.  We thought we were going to make it, but that just didn’t happen.    Even though our dossier has been in Haiti for several weeks, it will not be submitted before the new laws take effect.  The major issue surrounding the new law is that IBESR will be selecting 3 agencies, and only 3 agencies to process adoptions in Haiti.  If our agency is not selected, then we will have to be transferred to another agency in order to complete our adoption.  That’s not a big deal other than it could hold us up a bit. 

          Basketball started for real this week.  I don’t really know what “for real” means since we never really stop, but we’re in full swing.  I am constantly thinking about ways to motivate and encourage the girls.  Basketball is the hardest sport to play.  It’s one of the most physically and emotionally demanding sports because of its pace, and the season is very long.  On a small scale, it can be compared to this adoption.  One of the quotes I have been using lately comes from the movie, Facing the Giants.  I bet I have said, “I want your best”, over a hundred times throughout conditioning and the first two days of practice.  So many people are satisfied with being in the middle of the pack, on the basketball team and in life.  God wants our best.  He wants my best in everything I do, whether it be yard darts or homework or mowing the yard.  He doesn’t want our best compared to everyone else.  He wants our best compared to what WE are capable of doing.  That’s part of the speech I gave my girls at the end of practice.  I was reflecting on what I said to the girls this evening, which led me to think about another huge theme in that movie, FAITH.  If you’ll remember, the couple in that movie wanted a baby so bad.  One thing that has stuck with me from that is when he talks about “preparing your fields for rain”, which comes from the Bible.  If you’re going to ask for rain, then have enough faith to prepare your fields.  I pray that I can have that kind of faith.   God will come through for us, even though we don’t understand the timing of it all.  I know that every time there is a delay, God is protecting us or our child from something, and I thank Him for that.  Everyone wants to know how much longer and I do to.  We have to have faith that God is at work and this will happen exactly when it’s supposed to happen.  It seems so far away, but all we can do is prepare our fields for rain.   

Racism is UGLY!

          I knew it was coming.  I just thought I was prepared.  I have researched transracial adoptions. I’ve read every book, study, magazine article, blog, and the list goes on.  I know we live in a racist world, and I have witnessed racism in all kinds of ways.  I really didn’t want to include this in my blog, but I can’t shake it, and maybe writing this will help me let go of it.  It’s real, that’s for sure.  Well, I lost my cool.  I know that’s not so hard for some of you to believe, but I can get in psycho mode rather quickly when I feel like my kids need to be protected.  It’s a passion or adrenaline rush that’s unexplainable.  Some of you mothers know what I’m talking about.  I can’t rid myself of the anger and the burn coming from the pit of my soul.  For someone to suggest that an innocent child is less of a human being because he/she is black makes me want to SCREAM.  For those of you who think racism doesn’t exist, you are living in a hole.  Racism is real, and it’s ugly.

          This blog has been such a positive experience for me that I really didn’t want to even mention this little blurb of negativity.  All that I will say is that some people can’t understand why we would want to adopt a “black” child.  I won’t get into the details because they really don’t matter.  The bottom line is that many people think they are entitled or better than others or privileged because of the color of their skin.  God led us to Haiti because that country is the poorest country in the world, and it just so happens that the people there are black.  There are thousands of children in Haiti sitting in orphanages, starving, and dying of diseases.  Are you telling me that a human being doesn’t deserve a better opportunity to survive just because he has dark skin?  Ignorance and lack of education are the only excuses I can think of that would make anyone think they are better than anyone else because of their race.  My son/daughter will be black, and he/she is MINE!  I will fight for my child, and I will protect him/her at all costs.  I understand that we will have to deal with racism from now until the end of time.  Bring it on!  It won't be easy, but I will do everything I can to teach my son/daughter to be proud and to be confident.  I want all my kids to know that we're in this together, no mattter what.

          We actually have some very encouraging news.  Our I600A (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) has been approved.  That’s the form that pre-approves us to bring our son/daughter back into the United States.  The approval letter is called the I-171H letter.  Those forms are very important because adoptions in Haiti are very shaky at the moment.  Haiti is actually trying to clean up the adoption process a bit.  They are adding some adoption laws so they can become part of the Hague Convention, which will be a good thing in the long run.  However, if the president ratifies the Hague Convention before the laws are changed, then the US could refuse to allow its citizens to adopt from there.  My guess is that they do that to pressure the countries to get their laws passed quickly.  In the past, the US has allowed adoption to continue as long as the I600a has been approved.  So, we hope that even if the adoptions are stopped on the US end, we will be allowed to continue.    I know it’s confusing.  I don’t really understand all the ins and outs either.  The arrival of our dossier in Haiti is also a big deal.  We really need to get that submitted by Oct. 31^st because that’s when we think the new adoption laws could go into effect.   The new laws will limit the number of agencies/organizations allowed to work in Haiti, and we don’t know for sure if our agency will even be allowed to process adoptions.  Of course, they think they will be chosen, but no one knows for sure.  Adoption in Haiti is unpredictable, but we knew that from the start. We just have to know that God has this under control and He is working for us at this very moment.  God is good!  Keep the prayers coming!  The next step will be our referral.  Exciting!

This is so much bigger than the Thomas family.

          I was so encouraged at Church last week.  Just when I began to feel sorry for myself, because I have not heard a word from our agency regarding our paperwork, something really cool happened.  A family from our church brought their baby girl home from China.  How encouraging.  I can’t even explain in words how much seeing that little girl with her forever family encouraged me.  They have been waiting for years.  How dare I feel sorry for myself after the wait they’ve had.  On top of that, a great friend’s sister brought her two domestically adopted twin boys to church. God is good! 

          Sunday school was interesting as well.  The discussion was about how so many people do things that should be for God’s glory, but many do those things for show or for their own recognition.  Of course, my mind went straight to this blog.  I don’t want this blog to be about me.  I have been a bit surprised by the response to this thing.   I really didn’t think anyone would read it.  Seriously.  At first, I really felt uncomfortable when people would say things like “I think it’s great what you are doing.”   The reason I couldn’t understand is because we are getting so much more out of this adoption than we could possibly give. I really don’t feel like a hero.  We are truly blessed to get to add another Thomas to this world.  I thank God every single day for our child in Haiti.  Just like I longed to hold Kynady and Elijah in my arms way before they were even born, I feel the same way about our third child.   Just like I couldn’t wait to find out pink or blue, I can’t wait to find out if our new baby will be a boy or a girl. I can’t wait to see what he/she looks like.  I can only imagine what he’ll be when he grows up, or if she’ll be a girly girl like Kynady.  Those thoughts are what keep me from going insane with worry.   

           I really appreciate the people who have approached me to say what a blessing this blog has been to them.   I have been so encouraged!  I like to think that I am strong and tough and have it together.  You know, I’m the big, bad basketball coach; but the reality is that I need encouragement now more than ever!  I am weak.    It wasn’t until Sunday that I understood how valuable those encouraging words have been, and how thankful I am for the people willing to share.

           I am so thankful for God’s assurance daily that He is with us and will be with us every step of the way.  I have grown more in faith the last six months than in my entire life.  For that, I will be forever grateful.  I am amazed and fortunate that God can use something so amazing to teach me patience and faithfulness.   Now, I understanding that God is using this blog and our adoption in a way I never thought possible.  It never occurred to me that maybe God has more in mind.  I have heard so many times that God can take the ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary.  I want our adoption to be a blessing to others and maybe, just maybe, we can encourage others to take the same leap of faith.  As I sat in the balcony at church and looked out at all of the families that have adopted, I couldn’t help but to think that God has something major in the works for our church and our community.  I think Sunday was a glimpse of something special, and our adoption is just a sliver in the plan. Incredible.    

 

 

Caterina is NOT our adopted child from Haiti, and she isn't from Chicago either.

          This is so sweet .  My nephews are a tad confused about our exchange student from Italy, Caterina.  My sister has been trying to prepare them for our adoption, but I suppose we should have mentioned that we would also have an exchange student living with us.  They think Caterina is their new cousin.  Well, she kinda is their new cousin, but I’m afraid of what they will think when she has to go home to Italy in a few months.    And let me tell you about Elijah.  He thinks Caterina is from Chicago.   All he knows is that her plane took off from there to come here.  KIDS!  They are so funny.

          I have had a very hard time pronouncing the name, “Caterina”.  Well, I can say it the American way, but it has bothered me that I can’t pronounce it correctly. I just can’t roll the R.  Out of respect for her parents, I would really like to call her by her given name.  She likes that we call her Cate, but I was afraid that her mother would be offended.  I can imagine meeting her mother when this 10 months is over.  I don’t want her to think that her daughter has been with us for almost a year, and we don’t even know her name.  I have expressed this to Caterina and she thinks I’m crazy, so I guess I’m going to have to let it go.  It has made me think about naming our adopted child.   People ask about that all the time, and we’ve gone back and forth.  We will have the choice to keep the given name or give him/her an American name.  Out of respect for his/her birth parents, I want to keep all or part of his/her name in some way.  I guess it also depends on the age of the child, but I think it’s important that we show respect for the birth parents, and that’s one way to do it.  I think!  I’m still not sure, so I’m looking for a little guidance on that.  I’m not worried because I know that my God already knows his/her name.   

          I was a little impatient this week, so I sent an email to inquire about the progress on our dossier.  Our paperwork has been legalized, and now it is being translated into French.  The translation will be completed by September 30^th at the latest, and then it will be on its way to Haiti.  Everything has to be hand delivered in Haiti, which gives new meaning to the words, "snail mail".  Once in Haiti, the timeframe becomes even more unpredictable.  Not knowing is difficult, but it’s in God’s hands.  Pray for us!

Our Exchange Student Has Arrived

          We’re trying to diversify the neighborhood, I guess.  That’s the answer to this week’s most asked question, “Why would you want to host an exchange student?”  Honestly, I am not sure why we agreed, but I am sure glad we did.  Caterina is great!  She is adorable.  I don’t want to say too much because I want to respect her privacy, but we love her already.  She is great with the kids, and we have had a lot of fun getting to know her. Today was her first day of school, and I was nervous for her.  I remember my first day as a new student at Caldwell.  I must say she seemed much less nervous than I was after transferring there my junior year.  I had a few known enemies from sports though, so it was a bit different for me.  A few of my basketball players took care of her today, and I am so proud of them.  Watching my players do cool things like that is almost as rewarding as when my own children do something admirable.  That’s why I coach.  

          I’m not sure that taking Caterina to Wal-Mart on the first day of her arrival was a good idea, but it was very entertaining.  It made me realize how easily our adopted child could get overwhelmed when we bring him/her home.  I really think that’s part of the reason she’s with us.  Also, I have thought about how difficult it could be to communicate with our son/daughter. French is the official language in Haiti, but most people speak Creole, and I don't know much about either of those.  Caterina’s English is good, but we’ve had a few barriers.  Did you know that a "fon" pronounced "phone" is a hair dryer in Italian?  That was a fun conversation.  It’s neat how God works and puts things in all the right places.  Having Caterina with us will be a blessing, and I have a feeling we don’t even know the half of it yet. 

          The only update on the adoption is that my passport arrived in the mail.  I was looking at it today and noticed that it expires in ten years. My only thought was, “Surely, this adoption thing won’t take that long.”  Waiting. 

"Yes, Lord!"

     This has been a very emotional weekend. My baby boy, Elijah, had his 4th bday party, and a tropical storm went right over the top of Haiti. It's like I was living in two worlds. We were partying in the sunshine, yet I couldn't take my mind off the fact that my other son/daughter could be in harm's way. It was a very strange feeling. Helpless… Not a comfortable place to be.  Another weird thing about this whole adoption thing is that it’s so much like a pregnancy, without the morning sickness thank God. This is the part of pregnancy where you don’t know the sex of the baby yet.  Some people know you’re pregnant, some people don’t, and some people think you could be, but they wouldn’t dare ask.  I’m even much more emotional these days.  Weird.  I was glued to the TV all weekend, and Brock didn’t seem to be too worried about what would become Hurricane Isaac.  I questioned him on that.  To him, it would be different if we had our referral and we knew for sure he/she was in harm’s way.  I understood that because pregnancy was kinda like that for Brock.  I don’t think pregnancy seemed real for him until I was as big as a house and the ultrasound pictures became more than a blob.  I remember being miserable and tired and sick, and Brock would be like, “What’s your problem?”  The bigger I grew, the more sympathetic and involved he became.   I don’t hold that against him because I know that it’s just different for him.  I’m kinda glad that I am the worrier in the family.  I wouldn’t want him or anyone else to go through this. 

     On the way to church on Sunday, I was worrying about the storm and all of the people of Haiti.  This process has made me so much more empathetic.  I was thinking about the people living in tents, and the pictures of the mudslides on the news were running through my head.  I thought, “God, this is not worth it.  I can’t do this.  I haven’t even met my son or daughter.  What’s it going to be like after we get our referral and have that picture in our thoughts?  Or, what’s it going to be like after that first trip to Haiti when we have to return home without him/her?  How is that going to work?”  I still don’t know how I am going to be able handle that. 

     I know it’s self-centered of me to think this way, but I truly believe our new pastor was sent to our church just for me.  Well, that’s probably not the case, but I do think he’s fabulous.  More importantly, I think I’m hearing God in a way that I was never before capable.  It’s an amazing feeling when it’s as if the preacher is speaking directly to you.  I’ve always been like, “Man, he’s really getting yall today”.  Brother Mark is preaching a series on Jonah, and this sermon was entitled, “The Chain Reaction of Obedience”.  Brother Mark pointed out that obedience isn’t always easy, but it brings blessings.  God gave Jonah the very difficult task of going to Ninevah to tell the people that they were about to be destroyed.  Jonah said “yes” to God, eventually, and then he was able to witness God’s mercy on the people there.  Brother Mark pointed out that God was as work in Ninevah way before Jonah showed up.  I know that God’s at work right now in Haiti, putting all the pieces together.  It’s amazing that he is allowing us to get in on it.  We’re just a small part of a larger plan.  Brother Mark also said that we’re supposed to say “Yes” to God and leave the results to Him.  We are not to worry about what happens afterwards.  Well God, here you go.  It’s a behind the back pass.  I’m passing it to you and getting out of the way.  I give it ALL to you.  Thank you my Lord. 

  

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

                Well, God showed up again people!  I love it when He does that.  Actually, he really never leaves us. It’s just that sometimes he throws a little pebble at our window to show himself,  and  I am usually not still enough to hear it.  I have learned so much and have grown closer to my Lord through this experience already.  I am amazed once again by his faithfulness. 

         The first week of school was a blur.  It reminded me of a video shown by our speaker on opening day.  One of our best teachers at the high school was the opening day speaker for our district, and he is a phenomenal presenter.  He showed a video of runners at the starting line.  The gun sounded, everyone took off, but one dude apparently didn’t hear it.  He was left standing there with his hands up in “what just happened” position.  That’s kinda how I felt at the end of my first week.  Well, I’m fairly certain I heard the gun sound, but I don’t remember much after that. 

                Waiting….  And waiting… And waiting…

                During one of our visits with the social worker, I was asked about my strengths and weaknesses.  Patience was the first weakness that came to mind! I knew that I would struggle with the waiting because I would rather meet you half way than wait for you to get here.  I like to be moving and doing, and that part of this process is over.  It’s out of my hands, and that’s hard for me.  Thank God for my job and my active kids because I haven’t had much time this week to ponder over anything but work and taking care of these two kiddos.  However, we took off to St. Louis for the weekend, and I finally had some downtime in the car on the way home.  I could not stop thinking about the fact that my son/daughter has more than likely been born, and he or she is in one of the poorest countries in the world at this very moment.  I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he/she could be hungry , thirsty, lonely, or worse.  It’s moments like this that I have learned to give it to Him, because I just can’t handle it. As I was riding in the car, I picked up my Bible.  Exodus 14:14 was glaring back at me.   I’m gonna have to be still and let God fight this one.  It’s in His hands.  Pray for us and our little one so far away! 

The Dossier is in the Mail

     Yesterday was a big, big day for us. You see, the dossier is a massive amount of information.  Some of the things we had to collect included newly issued birth and marriage certificates, medical letters and lab reports, pictures, reference letters, psychological evaluations, three forms of photo identification, employment letters, bank letters, taxes, bank statements, yada, yada, yada.  All notarized and signed in blue ink, I should add.  We have been collecting the documents for about two months. My goal was August 1st, but that just didn't happen. I was determined to get everything compiled, processed, stamped, and in the mail by the first day of school. WE MADE IT. I mailed it at 4:20 yesterday, and today was the first day of school. Even better news than that, we received information yesterday that Haiti is back open and accepting new dossiers.  I think it’s kind of neat that those two things happened on the same day. Another God thing?  I think so! 

     First day of school was “awesome”, my son’s exact words. And he also says the chocolate milk was delicious.  I am so thankful for Southside Baptist Preschool.  The same people who took care of my daughter and gave her a positive intro to school will now do the same for my son.  We’re so blessed! Kynady loved the third grade.  She said, “The primary school doesn’t have anything on the third grade.”  I’m proud of my two kids, and I am thankful they are surrounded by such good people in both the private and public school settings.  Oh yeah, we had a wonderful day at the high school as well! It was a great start to what’s going to be a fabulous year.  Bring it on!!
 

What Pushed Us Over the Edge
     Brock and I were headed to Atlanta for UFC 145. I bought him tickets for his birthday. He was like a little kid in a candy shop all the way there, by the way. It was cute. We dropped the kiddos off at Nana and Pa's and we were off! Brock and I finally had some alone time, and we were able to discuss things that we just can't discuss in front of the kids, and adoption was one of them. A few months earlier, I had decided to drop the subject for a while. Honestly, I felt strongly that God was calling me to do this, but I didn't feel like Brock and I were on the same page. There was a pre-application with a section for him and a section for me. We had to answer a few questions about why we wanted to adopt. When I checked the form, he had copied and pasted my exact answers on every one of his questions. I was furious! I will not go into the specifics of that conversation, but I will admit that I probably overreacted. I knew at that point that I could not do this on my own. If we weren't both called, then it just wouldn't work. I questioned whether or not this was what God wanted or what I wanted. I took a break from it all and decided that I would not mention adoption again until Brock brought it up. Looking back on it, I made that into much more than it really was. Brock just liked my answers and agreed with them. That's it. Nothing more.

     Well, Brock brought it up, and we had a great discussion on the way to Atlanta. We were both very nervous about the financial aspect of adoption. Frankly, we didn't have thirty thousand dollars lying around. We talked about different ways to finance it, and we just felt uneasy. I was relieved because I knew that Brock and I were finally together on this, yet we both had a lot of anxiety about the cost. We weren't sure about the timing of it all, so we tabled it.

     We were not going to make it back for church on Sunday, which meant that we would miss a sermon by our prospective preacher. We were voting on Sunday night, so Brock suggested that we listen to a sermon Online so we could make an educated decision. All of this guy's sermons were uploaded to his church's website, which I thought was super cool. Since we hadn't had a preacher in three years, that was enough for me. I was ready to go ahead and vote “YES”. And besides, who really wants to listen to a church sermon in the car? Not me! You can't really say no to that without sounding like a jerk though, so I consented. I found the website and proceeded to read all of the subtitles so Brock could pick one. He picked, and it took several minutes to download. A good thing about the podcasts is that you can see how long each sermon lasts. I admit that I skipped over a couple because they were longer than the rest. I know, that's terrible. I only included that information because I promised to be real. There you go! Anyway, the sermon had downloaded, but for some reason the sermon that Brock had chosen was not the one that had downloaded. Of course, Brock had to say, "Why did you ask me which one if you were going to pick something else?" Well, you probably know how it all went down after that. It became an argument in which Brock insisted that we just listen to the one that downloaded, but you know I couldn't do that. I went back and downloaded the one he wanted and then complained the whole time about how long it was taking to download. The sermon was fabulous by the way, and I felt guilty about not wanting to listen to it. We made it to Atlanta and had a great time.
     UFC was very interesting. We had great seats. Brock loved it.

     On the way home from Atlanta, we decided to listen to another sermon. It was my suggestion, I promise. Jokingly, I told Brock that we should listen to the sermon that downloaded all by itself because God apparently wanted us to hear it. What happened next was something very special. It was a moment that I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

     Our prospective pastor and his wife had adopted a son from Ethiopia. This entire sermon that we were listening to was about their adoption. It was about his and his wife's decision to adopt, even though they couldn't afford it. It was about answering God's call in your life and having faith that God will see it through. Every issue/obstacle/excuse that Brock and I had come up with was addressed directly in this sermon. They had gone through some of the same things that we were facing, yet they had the faith to give it to God. God called, and they answered. What an example! Brock and I didn't even have to talk about it. We looked at each other and knew that it was time. The sermon was for us, and our decision was clear. It was very emotional for me. At first, it was excitement. I was excited because I knew that what I wanted was what God wanted. I was relieved. I felt a sense of peace because I knew we could do this, and God was going to take care of it all. Then, I felt guilty. How many months had passed? God had made it clear, but I couldn't see it. He had to hit me over the head with it. That's embarrassing. It's kinda like when the teacher has to say, "The answer is ..." Then, I was overwhelmed that God would care enough about me to give me this gift of certainty. God spoke directly to us, and I didn't feel worthy. Then, I felt guilty again for thinking that this was about me. This wasn't about me. It was God showing Himself in a mighty way. It was God picking up my slack again. God gave me a testimony, a story to tell that's so powerful, and a story that proves He has his hands on His children at all times. Thank you God!

  

 WE ARE ADOPTING FROM HAITI.
There it is people... in black and white.  Now, the question of the day is "To blog? or not to blog?"  I guess you know my answer to that.  It is very uncharacteristic of me to open myself up like this, but I have to keep reminding myself that IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.  This is about God's will for my life.  Besides, after going through the home study and the dossier, what's left not to share?  I'll get into a little more about all of that later.  I just want to get the word out and answer some FAQs.  I am not good at this blogging thing, but I promise to do my best.  I also promise to be REAL!  I don't know any other way, actually.  I am doing this for others out there wondering what this process is really like.  I also think it's a neat way to record how I really feel about everything.  It's easy to forget the little things.  Good or bad, I want to remember all of it!  I already have so much to share that it's a bit overwhelming. The last and most important reason why I am doing this blog is to get the word out about what God is doing in our lives.  God is faithful.  He is just.   He is true.  He is sovereign. He is all knowing and powerful.  He is my strength and my refuge.  God is good!

Let's start with the FAQs:

1.  Why adoption?  God has blessed us beyond measure. We have the best two kids on the planet.  Kynady and Elijah are gifts from our Lord, and we couldn't ask for more.  We feel like God is calling us to open our home and our lives to a child who doesn't have one.  And I don't like being pregnant.  It's a perfect combination if you ask me. 

2.  Why Haiti?  Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world.  Why not Haiti?

3.  Where are we in the process? We have completed our home study, and we will have our dossier ready to send by the weekend. (I hope)

4. What the heck is a dossier? A butt load of paperwork/documents

5. Do you know if you're getting a boy or a girl or the age of the child? No. We did not request a preference for a boy or girl, and we have been advised not to mess up the birth order of our biological children.  Makes sense because we all know that Kynady would not be able to relinquish the crown that comes with being the firstborn. The new addition will be at least 10 months younger than Elijah, who turns 4 on August 22nd.  

6. What's the next step? Once we send in our dossier, we wait, and wait, and wait! We should get a referral in a few months or so. "Or so" means that we have no idea, really.


For those of you who know us personally, I'm sorry we couldn't get around to each of you to let you know our plans. Word travels fast in this little town, you know. For those of you who don't know us, I'll give you an intro to the family in the next few days. We're kind of boring, so it won't take long. 

Until then... PRAY FOR US!!!