2014: This Will be the Year!

     My husband and I were reflecting on 2013, and he asked me, "How do you describe 2013 in terms of our adoption?"  My quick  response was, "2013:  The year of absolutely NOTHING!"  We both laughed because we know it's kinda true in terms of our adoption; however, we've both been transformed by the grace of God and the power of the wait.  Our dossier has been in the same location, we hope, since last February; yet, Brock and I are not who we were a year ago!  Thank you, Jesus. 

     The wait has been so hard, but so worth it because of what God has done and who He is molding us to be.  It has been kinda like morning sickness.  You hate it while it's happening, but thankful for it if it means your baby is healthy.  I'm thankful for the brokenness and emptiness and loneliness and helplessness because it was only then that I could be filled and comforted and Christ's alone. Our 2013 can be summed up by this song by Sidewalk Prophets:

                     "Keep Making Me"

Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me

                             Make me lonely 

So, 2013 was the year of EVERYTHING, and I want to make 2014 even better.  Here's the plan:  

1.  I will focus on what I DO have rather than the things that I don't have.  

 - I DO have a sovereign God, who's all powerful, all knowing, and in complete control of all things.  Praise Him!

 - I have a husband who loves me like he's supposed to love me according to God's command.  He's my rock.  All of you who truly know me understand how hard I am to live with, yet this man gives me grace daily.  It's the kind of grace that God gives.  It's hard to even explain.  I thank God for him.

 - I DO have four beautiful kids in God's possession at all times.  Thank you Lord for watching over my family and guiding our every step.  I can't protect them like you can.  They are yours.  

- I DO get to look out for Kynady and Elijah every single day.  They are my motivation for so many things.  They help me keep life in perspective.  Even on the worst day, they bring joy to my heart.  And they're my prayer warriors.  

- I have friends and family who love me and support me in ALL things, no matter how crazy or weird or "out of the box" I may be.  

- I have a job that I love (most of the time), and I get to be around so many good kids and good people daily. 

- I have a basketball team that "gets it".  They just work so hard.  They have no idea what they are to me.  I would be insane without them.  Or, maybe I am insane with them.  I don't know.  I do know that I am very blessed to be their coach.  

2.  I will rid my life of all things meaningless.  

3.  I will do my very best to make Jesus proud daily.  (Disclaimer:  I am aware of all of my shortfalls.  Please note that I am working on them, especially self-control and all those other fruits of the spirit.) I am also aware that my best will never be enough.  

     Hopefully, the next blog entry that I write will include our referral information.  We expect to get that referral any day.  Until then, may God bless you and yours.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!