"Yes, Lord!"

     This has been a very emotional weekend. My baby boy, Elijah, had his 4th bday party, and a tropical storm went right over the top of Haiti. It's like I was living in two worlds. We were partying in the sunshine, yet I couldn't take my mind off the fact that my other son/daughter could be in harm's way. It was a very strange feeling. Helpless… Not a comfortable place to be.  Another weird thing about this whole adoption thing is that it’s so much like a pregnancy, without the morning sickness thank God. This is the part of pregnancy where you don’t know the sex of the baby yet.  Some people know you’re pregnant, some people don’t, and some people think you could be, but they wouldn’t dare ask.  I’m even much more emotional these days.  Weird.  I was glued to the TV all weekend, and Brock didn’t seem to be too worried about what would become Hurricane Isaac.  I questioned him on that.  To him, it would be different if we had our referral and we knew for sure he/she was in harm’s way.  I understood that because pregnancy was kinda like that for Brock.  I don’t think pregnancy seemed real for him until I was as big as a house and the ultrasound pictures became more than a blob.  I remember being miserable and tired and sick, and Brock would be like, “What’s your problem?”  The bigger I grew, the more sympathetic and involved he became.   I don’t hold that against him because I know that it’s just different for him.  I’m kinda glad that I am the worrier in the family.  I wouldn’t want him or anyone else to go through this. 

     On the way to church on Sunday, I was worrying about the storm and all of the people of Haiti.  This process has made me so much more empathetic.  I was thinking about the people living in tents, and the pictures of the mudslides on the news were running through my head.  I thought, “God, this is not worth it.  I can’t do this.  I haven’t even met my son or daughter.  What’s it going to be like after we get our referral and have that picture in our thoughts?  Or, what’s it going to be like after that first trip to Haiti when we have to return home without him/her?  How is that going to work?”  I still don’t know how I am going to be able handle that. 

     I know it’s self-centered of me to think this way, but I truly believe our new pastor was sent to our church just for me.  Well, that’s probably not the case, but I do think he’s fabulous.  More importantly, I think I’m hearing God in a way that I was never before capable.  It’s an amazing feeling when it’s as if the preacher is speaking directly to you.  I’ve always been like, “Man, he’s really getting yall today”.  Brother Mark is preaching a series on Jonah, and this sermon was entitled, “The Chain Reaction of Obedience”.  Brother Mark pointed out that obedience isn’t always easy, but it brings blessings.  God gave Jonah the very difficult task of going to Ninevah to tell the people that they were about to be destroyed.  Jonah said “yes” to God, eventually, and then he was able to witness God’s mercy on the people there.  Brother Mark pointed out that God was as work in Ninevah way before Jonah showed up.  I know that God’s at work right now in Haiti, putting all the pieces together.  It’s amazing that he is allowing us to get in on it.  We’re just a small part of a larger plan.  Brother Mark also said that we’re supposed to say “Yes” to God and leave the results to Him.  We are not to worry about what happens afterwards.  Well God, here you go.  It’s a behind the back pass.  I’m passing it to you and getting out of the way.  I give it ALL to you.  Thank you my Lord. 

  

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

                Well, God showed up again people!  I love it when He does that.  Actually, he really never leaves us. It’s just that sometimes he throws a little pebble at our window to show himself,  and  I am usually not still enough to hear it.  I have learned so much and have grown closer to my Lord through this experience already.  I am amazed once again by his faithfulness. 

         The first week of school was a blur.  It reminded me of a video shown by our speaker on opening day.  One of our best teachers at the high school was the opening day speaker for our district, and he is a phenomenal presenter.  He showed a video of runners at the starting line.  The gun sounded, everyone took off, but one dude apparently didn’t hear it.  He was left standing there with his hands up in “what just happened” position.  That’s kinda how I felt at the end of my first week.  Well, I’m fairly certain I heard the gun sound, but I don’t remember much after that. 

                Waiting….  And waiting… And waiting…

                During one of our visits with the social worker, I was asked about my strengths and weaknesses.  Patience was the first weakness that came to mind! I knew that I would struggle with the waiting because I would rather meet you half way than wait for you to get here.  I like to be moving and doing, and that part of this process is over.  It’s out of my hands, and that’s hard for me.  Thank God for my job and my active kids because I haven’t had much time this week to ponder over anything but work and taking care of these two kiddos.  However, we took off to St. Louis for the weekend, and I finally had some downtime in the car on the way home.  I could not stop thinking about the fact that my son/daughter has more than likely been born, and he or she is in one of the poorest countries in the world at this very moment.  I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he/she could be hungry , thirsty, lonely, or worse.  It’s moments like this that I have learned to give it to Him, because I just can’t handle it. As I was riding in the car, I picked up my Bible.  Exodus 14:14 was glaring back at me.   I’m gonna have to be still and let God fight this one.  It’s in His hands.  Pray for us and our little one so far away! 

The Dossier is in the Mail

     Yesterday was a big, big day for us. You see, the dossier is a massive amount of information.  Some of the things we had to collect included newly issued birth and marriage certificates, medical letters and lab reports, pictures, reference letters, psychological evaluations, three forms of photo identification, employment letters, bank letters, taxes, bank statements, yada, yada, yada.  All notarized and signed in blue ink, I should add.  We have been collecting the documents for about two months. My goal was August 1st, but that just didn't happen. I was determined to get everything compiled, processed, stamped, and in the mail by the first day of school. WE MADE IT. I mailed it at 4:20 yesterday, and today was the first day of school. Even better news than that, we received information yesterday that Haiti is back open and accepting new dossiers.  I think it’s kind of neat that those two things happened on the same day. Another God thing?  I think so! 

     First day of school was “awesome”, my son’s exact words. And he also says the chocolate milk was delicious.  I am so thankful for Southside Baptist Preschool.  The same people who took care of my daughter and gave her a positive intro to school will now do the same for my son.  We’re so blessed! Kynady loved the third grade.  She said, “The primary school doesn’t have anything on the third grade.”  I’m proud of my two kids, and I am thankful they are surrounded by such good people in both the private and public school settings.  Oh yeah, we had a wonderful day at the high school as well! It was a great start to what’s going to be a fabulous year.  Bring it on!!
 

What Pushed Us Over the Edge
     Brock and I were headed to Atlanta for UFC 145. I bought him tickets for his birthday. He was like a little kid in a candy shop all the way there, by the way. It was cute. We dropped the kiddos off at Nana and Pa's and we were off! Brock and I finally had some alone time, and we were able to discuss things that we just can't discuss in front of the kids, and adoption was one of them. A few months earlier, I had decided to drop the subject for a while. Honestly, I felt strongly that God was calling me to do this, but I didn't feel like Brock and I were on the same page. There was a pre-application with a section for him and a section for me. We had to answer a few questions about why we wanted to adopt. When I checked the form, he had copied and pasted my exact answers on every one of his questions. I was furious! I will not go into the specifics of that conversation, but I will admit that I probably overreacted. I knew at that point that I could not do this on my own. If we weren't both called, then it just wouldn't work. I questioned whether or not this was what God wanted or what I wanted. I took a break from it all and decided that I would not mention adoption again until Brock brought it up. Looking back on it, I made that into much more than it really was. Brock just liked my answers and agreed with them. That's it. Nothing more.

     Well, Brock brought it up, and we had a great discussion on the way to Atlanta. We were both very nervous about the financial aspect of adoption. Frankly, we didn't have thirty thousand dollars lying around. We talked about different ways to finance it, and we just felt uneasy. I was relieved because I knew that Brock and I were finally together on this, yet we both had a lot of anxiety about the cost. We weren't sure about the timing of it all, so we tabled it.

     We were not going to make it back for church on Sunday, which meant that we would miss a sermon by our prospective preacher. We were voting on Sunday night, so Brock suggested that we listen to a sermon Online so we could make an educated decision. All of this guy's sermons were uploaded to his church's website, which I thought was super cool. Since we hadn't had a preacher in three years, that was enough for me. I was ready to go ahead and vote “YES”. And besides, who really wants to listen to a church sermon in the car? Not me! You can't really say no to that without sounding like a jerk though, so I consented. I found the website and proceeded to read all of the subtitles so Brock could pick one. He picked, and it took several minutes to download. A good thing about the podcasts is that you can see how long each sermon lasts. I admit that I skipped over a couple because they were longer than the rest. I know, that's terrible. I only included that information because I promised to be real. There you go! Anyway, the sermon had downloaded, but for some reason the sermon that Brock had chosen was not the one that had downloaded. Of course, Brock had to say, "Why did you ask me which one if you were going to pick something else?" Well, you probably know how it all went down after that. It became an argument in which Brock insisted that we just listen to the one that downloaded, but you know I couldn't do that. I went back and downloaded the one he wanted and then complained the whole time about how long it was taking to download. The sermon was fabulous by the way, and I felt guilty about not wanting to listen to it. We made it to Atlanta and had a great time.
     UFC was very interesting. We had great seats. Brock loved it.

     On the way home from Atlanta, we decided to listen to another sermon. It was my suggestion, I promise. Jokingly, I told Brock that we should listen to the sermon that downloaded all by itself because God apparently wanted us to hear it. What happened next was something very special. It was a moment that I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

     Our prospective pastor and his wife had adopted a son from Ethiopia. This entire sermon that we were listening to was about their adoption. It was about his and his wife's decision to adopt, even though they couldn't afford it. It was about answering God's call in your life and having faith that God will see it through. Every issue/obstacle/excuse that Brock and I had come up with was addressed directly in this sermon. They had gone through some of the same things that we were facing, yet they had the faith to give it to God. God called, and they answered. What an example! Brock and I didn't even have to talk about it. We looked at each other and knew that it was time. The sermon was for us, and our decision was clear. It was very emotional for me. At first, it was excitement. I was excited because I knew that what I wanted was what God wanted. I was relieved. I felt a sense of peace because I knew we could do this, and God was going to take care of it all. Then, I felt guilty. How many months had passed? God had made it clear, but I couldn't see it. He had to hit me over the head with it. That's embarrassing. It's kinda like when the teacher has to say, "The answer is ..." Then, I was overwhelmed that God would care enough about me to give me this gift of certainty. God spoke directly to us, and I didn't feel worthy. Then, I felt guilty again for thinking that this was about me. This wasn't about me. It was God showing Himself in a mighty way. It was God picking up my slack again. God gave me a testimony, a story to tell that's so powerful, and a story that proves He has his hands on His children at all times. Thank you God!

  

 WE ARE ADOPTING FROM HAITI.
There it is people... in black and white.  Now, the question of the day is "To blog? or not to blog?"  I guess you know my answer to that.  It is very uncharacteristic of me to open myself up like this, but I have to keep reminding myself that IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.  This is about God's will for my life.  Besides, after going through the home study and the dossier, what's left not to share?  I'll get into a little more about all of that later.  I just want to get the word out and answer some FAQs.  I am not good at this blogging thing, but I promise to do my best.  I also promise to be REAL!  I don't know any other way, actually.  I am doing this for others out there wondering what this process is really like.  I also think it's a neat way to record how I really feel about everything.  It's easy to forget the little things.  Good or bad, I want to remember all of it!  I already have so much to share that it's a bit overwhelming. The last and most important reason why I am doing this blog is to get the word out about what God is doing in our lives.  God is faithful.  He is just.   He is true.  He is sovereign. He is all knowing and powerful.  He is my strength and my refuge.  God is good!

Let's start with the FAQs:

1.  Why adoption?  God has blessed us beyond measure. We have the best two kids on the planet.  Kynady and Elijah are gifts from our Lord, and we couldn't ask for more.  We feel like God is calling us to open our home and our lives to a child who doesn't have one.  And I don't like being pregnant.  It's a perfect combination if you ask me. 

2.  Why Haiti?  Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world.  Why not Haiti?

3.  Where are we in the process? We have completed our home study, and we will have our dossier ready to send by the weekend. (I hope)

4. What the heck is a dossier? A butt load of paperwork/documents

5. Do you know if you're getting a boy or a girl or the age of the child? No. We did not request a preference for a boy or girl, and we have been advised not to mess up the birth order of our biological children.  Makes sense because we all know that Kynady would not be able to relinquish the crown that comes with being the firstborn. The new addition will be at least 10 months younger than Elijah, who turns 4 on August 22nd.  

6. What's the next step? Once we send in our dossier, we wait, and wait, and wait! We should get a referral in a few months or so. "Or so" means that we have no idea, really.


For those of you who know us personally, I'm sorry we couldn't get around to each of you to let you know our plans. Word travels fast in this little town, you know. For those of you who don't know us, I'll give you an intro to the family in the next few days. We're kind of boring, so it won't take long. 

Until then... PRAY FOR US!!!