I have signed up
for about a dozen adoption newsletters over the past two years. They’re all very similar in that about once a
week they send an email begging people to adopt. They have all these reasons why adoption is
the answer, and they almost always include pictures of beautiful little boys
and girls. Well, I unsubscribed to every single one in a moment of anguish last
week, only to have to go back thirty minutes later and re-subscribe to my
favorites. I think I could be losing my
mind. Seriously.
I know there are
hundreds of thousands of orphans. I know
there are children waiting. I know that
I can make a difference in this world.
That’s why it’s so frustrating. I
get these emails begging people to adopt with all these great reasons why it’s
a good way to extend your family. We
already have so much invested in bringing one of those little faces home, but
we’re having trouble getting this thing off the ground. It’s like we’re stuck in the mud without a
rope or a chain. I thought, “I don’t
even know who to blame for the inadequacy of the process, but don’t blame
me. I AM TRYING!!” Thankfully, I had bookmarked most of
my favorites, so it didn’t take me long to get back on the lists. I felt so dumb. I need those emails, and I need to look at
those faces, and I need to be thankful that Brock and I are in a place in our
lives in which we are able to be patient.
We have two beautiful children to keep us busy, and we have so many
positive things going for us at the moment.
We have absolutely no reason to feel sorry for ourselves.
I get frustrated from time to time, but I am
truly at peace with where we are in our adoption process. Before and immediately after our conference
call last Wednesday, I was anxious and worried about all of the changes and uncertainty
in Haiti. Brock and I had even talked
about changing countries. Before the
conference call, I sent in a question to the director asking for specific
guidance or at least a professional opinion specific to our family. I just wanted someone to say, “This is what’s
best for your family”. The director read
my question to the group and suggested that we pray and ask God for
guidance. She said that the agency would
be seeking God’s will in the decisions that they would be making and that we
should seek God’s will for our own families.
She hit a home run with that one because I immediately felt a sense of
trust in our agency. What a relief! Thank
God the director got it right. She can’t
make a decision that belongs to God. I
have absolutely no doubt that God has led us to Haiti. From my knees, I gave it
back to Him and felt that peace that I had somehow lost in the days prior. I opened my Bible, and the verse in bold,
although it’s not in bold today, was James 1:2-4. It says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers
and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the
testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.” Thank you,
Lord.
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